People pleasing can look like a quick yes.
People pleasing can feel like a stomach drop right after.
People pleasing can sound like.
Of course.
No problem.
I can handle it.
Women learn this early.
Be agreeable.
Be helpful.
Be low maintenance.
Be grateful.
Then be confused about why life feels heavy.
This is a boundaries post.
This is also a women’s counseling post.
This is for the woman who is capable on paper and depleted in private.
People pleasing. The real definition.
People pleasing is a coping strategy.
It is approval seeking with good manners.
It is conflict avoidance with a calendar invite.
It is over-functioning so nobody gets upset.
It shows up at work.
It shows up in parenting.
It shows up in dating and marriage and divorce recovery.
It shows up as.
Yes.
Even when your body is saying no.
People pleasing is linked with stress and reduced wellbeing when it becomes chronic.
The American Psychological Association describes stress as a response to demands that can impact mind and body.
https://www.apa.org/topics/stress
What it costs.
People pleasing costs time.
People pleasing costs rest.
People pleasing costs clarity.
People pleasing costs self respect.
It creates resentment.
It creates anxiety.
It creates burnout.
It can create a life that looks fine and feels like too much.
A clean boundary does not make you rude.
A clean boundary makes you honest.
Boundaries are not walls.
Boundaries are the terms of connection.
How to stop saying yes when you mean no.
Notice the signal.
A tight chest is data.
A forced smile is data.
A fast yes is data.
Name the fear.
Fear of being disliked.
Fear of being seen as difficult.
Fear of disappointing someone.
Fear of conflict.
Pick a boundary starter.
That does not work for me.
I cannot take that on.
I am not available.
I will let you know by Friday.
Drop the apology loop.
A reason is optional.
A dissertation is not required.
Practice small.
Say no to the extra task.
Say no to the group text that becomes a second job.
Say no to the favor you would never ask of someone else.
Use a script for high pressure people.
I hear you.
My answer is no.
I am not discussing it further.
What happens next.
Guilt shows up.
That is common.
Guilt is not proof you did something wrong.
It is often proof you changed the rule you used to live by.
Some people push back.
That is information.
People who benefited from your people pleasing may miss the old version of you.
People who love you can adapt.
You start to trust yourself.
Your yes becomes real.
Your no becomes kind.
Your energy stops leaking out of every conversation.
How women’s counseling helps with people pleasing.
Insight alone is not always enough.
People pleasing can be tied to childhood roles.
People pleasing can be tied to trauma responses.
People pleasing can be tied to perfectionism and anxiety.
Women’s counseling gives structure.
Women’s counseling gives language.
Women’s counseling gives practice.
Women’s counseling helps you find the root, not just manage the symptom.
Heartdoor Healing, PLLC supports women who are overwhelmed and in transition.
Women’s counseling is available in Texas and Illinois.
Coaching and RTT are available from anywhere.
https://heartdoorhealing.com/population
https://heartdoorhealing.com/services
Work in counseling can focus on.
Boundary skills that do not collapse under pressure.
Nervous system regulation so no does not feel dangerous.
Self worth that is not earned through over giving.
Relationships that run on respect instead of obligation.
People pleasing is not your personality.
People pleasing is a pattern.
Patterns can change.
Support can help ASAP.
Thank you.
Someone from Heartdoor Healing, PLLC will get in touch.
Warmly.
